Your Words are Like Daggers
by caligrl1o1
Summary: Trina was a better actress that anyone would have guessed. She acts every day, masking her pain. Will Beck be able to break down these walls or will he push her farther into the darkness? Warning: eating disorder, cutting, and maybe some sex! Summary sucks but the story will be good!
1. I am not good enough

***** Hey everyone! I hope that you like this story! It is inspired by MyWaspInAJar! She is an awesome author and I hope you read her stories! So... drum role pleasssseeee! Here is my Victorios story!******

Trina

I am not known for anything good. When you think of Cat, you think of a happy and giggly red velvet cupcake. When you think of Jade, you think of sharp, beautiful and dangerous scissors. When you think of Tori, you think of pure and raw talent. But when you think of me, all you can think of is how gross I am. I know that I am only here because of Tori... But, I mean I never have even tried really singing, only trying to be bad at it. At least then, I don't have to get disappointed, right? Being conpairred to Tori has never been easy, trust me. At first, it was simply my grandmother that I should be more talented than Tori, that I should be able to play piano and guitar too. As time has gone on though, even my parents agree. I can't play any sports, I'm not skinny, all I have ever wanted was to be perfect, just like the Barbie doll that I have in my room. With bleach blonde hair, perfect skin, and the perfect body, this plastic doll is everything that I have always wanted to be; but can I be that? No.

Three years ago, when I was 14, I started down this road. There was a girl at my old school, her name was Ashley, she is the only person that ever found out about this. But do you know what she did when she found out? She laughed. From that point on, I realized that I am not enough, but I need to strive to become perfect. Now, food isn't my friend. I don't have any friends. When I found out that Beck liked me, I cried. Not just in joy of the fact that for once in my life I was wanted by someone, but that I was maybe good enough for him. But I'm not.

School -

I walked up the stairs to my locker, and I fell. Unlike if Tori fell, no one was there to help me up, but I am used to that now, and I don't expect for some fairy god mother to come down from the clouds and help me, because good things just dont happen to girls like me.

"First period is..." I traced my finger over my schedual, still agusting to the second semester's schedual changes. "Free period, great." I walked throughout the halls, trying to decide where to go. The Black Box, I decided. When I walked in, I made sure that no one was in there, afraid that someone would hear me. I dropped my things off in a chair and made my way onto the stage. I decided to sing for once, considering that I never do so, and finally hear what I sound like. 'I doubt that it will be anything good' I whispered to myself. With a deep breath, I began.

_Skies are crying, I am watching_

_Catching tear drops in my hands_

I reached down and played with my many bracelets on my left wrist, feeling the aray of bracelets graze my many cuts. Some of them where disappearing with age, but others where raw and scabbed.

_Only silence as it's ending_

_Like we never had a chance_

_Do you have to make me feel like_

_There's nothing left of me?_

Beck. He is the invision of manly perfection. I mean when I kissed him, my lips just seemed to have this crazy burning sensation. When he asked me out, I thought that maybe the stars where alligned in my favor or something crazy like that, but then, that all was flushed down the drain when all of Tori's friends started to fight for me. Don't get me wrong here, I would kill for a guy to want me so much he would fight for me, but thats never going to happen. When the guys did this to me, I felt like they took everything I had left, an I felt numb and empty. In that moment how unlovable I was, and I will never be worth anything.

_You can take everything I have_

_You can break everything I am_

_Like I'm made of glass_

_Like I'm made of paper_

_Go on and try to tear me down_

_I will be rising from the ground_

_Like a skyscraper_

_Like a skyscraper_

_As the smoke clears, I awaken_

_And untangle you from me_

_Would it make you feel better_

_To watch me while I bleed?_

_All my windows still are broken_

_But I'm standing on my feet_

With a blade in my hand, I feel unstopable, but that all melts away as soon as I look into the mirror, and see what I really am. I hate what I am doing to myself. I hate the feeling of sticking ym fingers down my throat and gagging until I see blood, but at the same time I love it. It makes no sense, but, it just works. I may be slowly killing myself, but I would rather die perfect and die young, than die old and ugly.

_You can take everything I have_

_You can break everything I am_

_Like I'm made of glass_

_Like I'm made of paper_

_Go on and try to tear me down_

_I will be rising from the ground_

_Like a skyscraper_

_Like a skyscraper_

_Go run, run, run_

_I'm gonna stay right here,_

_Watch you disappear_

_Yeah, oh_

_Go run, run, run_

_Yeah, it's a long way down_

_But I am closer to the clouds up here_

_You can take everything I have_

_You can break everything I am_

_Like I'm made of glass_

_Like I'm made of paper_

_Oh Oh_

_Go on and try to tear me down_

_I will be rising from the ground_

_Like a skyscra-_

I stared straight in front of me, only to find that the door was closing. Because of the darkness in the theatre, I couldn;t make out who was there, but either way I had to get out of there. I turned around, and dashed over to the back door. I couldn't stay there and be caught, no one can no that I am this pathetic.

*Beck*

I opened the door, expecting it to be empty so that I could practice my new monologe. When I opened the door, a beautiful voice was bouncing off of the walls, but as soon as I looked up to see who was there, she was gone. Curiosity was pumping through my veins, and I looked around the theatre, looking for some trace of the faceless girl. Looking down, I saw a fimiliar bag.

'What?' I said to myself. Thinking that maybe I was mistaken, and thinking that I should get the bag to its owner, I found a journal. The rest of the period I read and read. What was on these pages brought me to tears. It was Trina, and I realized that I needed to fix this, because I couldn't live with myself if something happened to her.


	2. Broken

***** Hey everyone! I hope that you like my story so far, and please review and tell me what you think of it so far! I usually wont update this often but I have like nothing to do, so why not write! This story may be triggering, but it is like my life in someone elses shoes if that makes any sense at all :p well I hope that you like it!*****

Trina

The stage door slammed behind me, and I ran, I just ran down the halls and behind the bleachers in the back field of the school. Sitting at the top of them, I just broke down in tears. I am so weak! This was the first time that I had allowed myself to cry in months. Crying is for the weak, thats what I had been telling myself. Sobs where racking my body, making the intense hinger pains dissapear for a while, but I knew that they would return, they always do. Realizing that all of my stuff was back in the Black Box, I began to panick. 'Well maybe who ever was in there is gone now?' I tried reasoning, 'but maybe he is still there?' Deciding that I would just go to my locker and see what I had there for my next class, I walked back to the school, and down the halls to find all of my stuff sitting there, with Beck Oliver leaning against the lockers, staring right at me. Everything just seemed to click in my mind, he was here to yell at me, tell me that I am messed up, fat, ugly, and worth nothing. With all of these thoughts, I turned on my heel and had to find a way out. Finding my way to the bathroom, I looked in the mirror. My makeup was streaming down my face, fat was exploading from every place on my body, it just doesnt seem to go away. I didn't want to hear Beck's judgement, I couldnt even handle my own. I reached into my pocket, and found my good and handy blade. slowly savoring each moment, I cut my wrist over and over again. 11 times to be exact.

"Trina, I won't hurt you, I promise, can we go somewhere and talk?" Beck called into the bathroom.

"Im fine Beck, you can go, I mean you have class or something, right?" I called back, trying to mask the fear and pain in my voice.

"Listen, I am not going anywhere, this is important, so please, Im begging you, we can go wherever, I just need to talk to you." He said, I could hear the worry in his voice. Why would he be worried about me though? I mean he has a thing for Tori, right?

I wiped the makeup off of my face, and decided to face the music.

-Beck-

Pacing back and forth in front of the bathroom, I waited for her.

"There you are, um, do you want to drive somewhere?" I asked.

"No, I mean, we can just stay here, lets just get this over with..." She added. I wanted to just wrap my arms around her, and take all of her pain away. Don't get me wrong here, at one point I had loved Jade, but after the break-up, I realized that I liked someone else, but she only wanted me to get more popular, so I gave up. But when Trina kissed me, I felt this spark, an undescrible spark of electricity.

"Come on, I want to show you something. Walking up the winding staircases, I opened a heavy metal door to the roof. "Listen Trina, I want to tell you something... Well, the truth is that since Jade and I broke up a while back, I realized that I actually do like you."

"Stop lying to me!" She screamed. "Don't you see that you have hurt me enough? I cant deal with this! Just please leave me alone. This practical joke is not funny anymore!"

"I'm not joking! When you kissed me, I had wanted to kiss you for so long... You don't realize it! I hate seeing you hurt, I hate that I hurt you, I hate that I have stood there and let other people hurt you. Trina, I am so so sorry..."

With that, she started to walk back to the stairs.

"Wait!" I called out. I turned to her, and I kissed her. This kiss, it was more magical than anything else that I had ever felt. That same electricity came back.

-Trina-

He kissed me. Every word that he had said made loud alarms go off in my head. This is just another joke; but then I realized that maybe this isn't just some joke. Our lips started to move in sync, and I started to feel like this was one of those Disney moments that only happen to girls like Tori. With that, he pulled me into a big hug, it made me feel safe.

-Beck-

After our kiss, I pulled her into a big hug, I just wanted to make her feel better. It scared me to the core that the girl that I cared so much about was so skinny. I could feel every single bone, every rib, and it scared me so much... With that, she started to cry. If I had read her journal right, then I knew that she felt safe, and that she hadn't felt safe in a long time, but maybe I could be the one to make her feel safe.

"Trina, listen, I feel something, something that I haven't ever felt before when I am with you... Please just, give me a chance. Tell me everything and anything, let me kiss and hug you, let me take this pain away." I said. "Please, I couldn't live with myself if anything where to happen to you. Trina, will you please let me be your boyfriend?"

"This, this isn't a trick, is it?" she looked up at me, starting to fear that all of this would be just a dream.

"No, no its not. I heard you singing, it, it was more amazing than anything else I had ever heard. Trina, please, just give me a chance."

"How do I know that all of this is real? I mean, I'm used to guys just wanting to sleep with me, wanting to use me, and I just let them, because maybe then, for a minute I can feel wanted, but you could just ask and I would give in, you dont need to do all of this." she said softly.

"I don't want to use you." I replied.

"Im to broken, you dont want me, trust me."

"I want everything. I want to take your pain, your hurt. I want you to tell me everything, and so that maybe I can fix you. I want to be your hero."

"I don't need this. I'm sorry Beck, but you don't even know me, and you should be with someone better. Be with Tori... I know that she really likes you..." she said. With that, she walked away.

I need to fix this, I mean she is really everything that I want, and I need for her to be better, she just needs to get better... I need to make her feel loved. All of this is my job now.


	3. Don't Let me Fall

*****Sorry I haven't updated in a few days, I have been going through some stuff. So I hope that you like the chapter, and please let me know if it just totally sucks butt, or if it is the best thing since Sesame Street! Today it is a song fic, so please let me know if you like it or if you hate it!So here it is!*****

Trina

"Hey mom, I am gonna go for a run!" I called out.

"Trina, for the last freaking time, I DON"T CARE!" she yelled back. I pulled my brunette curls back into a pink elastic, tied my nike shoes, and I put my head-phones in.

_It's probably what's best for you_

_I only want the best for you_

_and if I'm not the best_

_then you're stuck_

_I tried to sever ties_

_and I ended up with wounds to bind_

_like you're pouring salt in my cuts_

I began to run down the sidewalk, and rain drops began to fall from the grey sky. When I got home, I realized that my journal had been read. There where tear marks that wheren't mine on the pages. I couldnt even begin to wrap my mind around the fact that Beck even cared. I pressed my woven bracelets into my cuts, just to feel something. Maybe Beck knows everything, at least what I wrote, thank god I didn't write everything. Maybe he doesn't know though... A girl can only hope, right?

_And I just ran out of band aids_

_I don't even know where to start_

_cause you can bandage the damage_

_you never really can fix a heart_

THoughts where racing through my head: I can't believe that I let him hug me! I mean I bet that he was disgusted when he felt all of my fat rolls... THese thoughts only motivated me to run faster, to burn more calories. I used to loose six to eight pounds a week, but now, Im down to loosing two or three pounds. Maybe I can't do this, I will never be fucking good enough.

_Even now I know what's wrong_

_how could I be so sure_

_if you never say what you feel, feel_

_I must have held you hand so tight_

_you didn't have the will to fight_

_I guess you needed more time to heal_

_Baby I just ran out of band aids_

_I don't even know where to start_

_cause you can bandage the damage_

_you never really can fix a heart_

Beck wants to make me better, but he doesn't know what the hell he is in for. I mean, all thats going to happen is that he is going to give up on me, everyone does, I mean even my lab partner did! I don't think that Beck knows where to start... I am not worth being nice too, I don't deserve anyone to want me, especially after Bobby... I know what is going to happen... Beck is going to realize that he can't fix me, I'm to broken, but maybe I can look perfect.

_You must be a miracle worker_

_swearing up and down you can fix_

_what's been broken yeah_

_please don't get my hopes up no no_

_baby tell me how could you be so cruel_

_It's like you're pouring salt on my cuts_

_Baby I just ran out of band aids_

_I don't even know where to start_

_cause you can bandage the damage_

_you never really can fix a heart_

_Baby I just ran out of band aids_

_I don't even know where to start_

_cause you can bandage the damage_

_you never really can fix a heart_

_oh no no no_

_you never really can fix a heart_

_oh no no no_

_you never really can fix a heart_

_oh hoo ohhh_

_oh hoo yeah ohhh ohh ho oh oh oh_

_You never really can fix my heart_

Before I knew it, I was six miles away from home, and exausted. 'Maybe I could call him?' I thought. But I mentally slapped myself. I can't let myself fall for him, or else like usual, I will fall on my face.

"What the hell..." I said aloud, and I called him. "Um Beck?"

"Trina? Hey, whats up?"

"Do you think that you could give me a ride? I am on State street... I was running and I went to far..."

"Wait, you where running?" He said in disbelief. "I'm coming to get you, don't worry babe." and with that, he hung up. I paced back in forth for about 5 minutes before beck's familiar car drove up.

"Hey, come on and get in." He said kindly. I silently got into the car, ashaimed that I needed a ride.

"Wait, this isn't the way back to my house?" I questioned, breaking my silence.

"O, yeah, I thought that maybe we could go to the trailer and hang out?" He flashed me that award winning smile.

"oh, OK..." continuing my silence.

"Here we are!" he said, and we got into his "home".

"Do you want anything to drink? I have Coke, Lemonaid, and vodka?"

"Um, I think I will have to pass on that" I said with a giggle. "Soooo whats up? I mean why am I here?"

"Well, I was hoping to talk to you... I mean, Trina, you deserve so much, you just have to open your eyes and realize it. So um Trina, when you left your bag in the Black Box, I read your journal..."

"Um, how much of it did you read?"

"All of it... Trina, we need to get you some help... I mean, you are so skinny, how do you not see it?" He asked me.

I turned away, embarrased that he even read that much. "Im not... Can we please stop talking about this? Im to broken for you to fix..."

-Beck-

"No, your so perfect you dont even realize it, and girl, you can sing! I never knew... Trust me on this, you are better than anyone I have ever heard."

"You, you wherent suppost to hear that."

"Trina: you are smart, sexy, talented. Why cant you see it?" I pleaded. I just want her to let me try to make her happy. She is so special, so beautiful, I just want her to not be in so much pain. "You know, I used to cut..." I rolled up my sleeve, exposing the rows of cuts that I had made. "My first step dad, he used to hit my mom, and I just couldn't take it... So I had to find a way to cope" I thought that maybe if I shaired my story, she would open up to me. Just as I had thought, she slowly took off her Barbie hoodie and slowly took off her woven bracelets. What was under these scared even me. There where more scars than I had ever seen, and dried blood that was from today. I gently grabbed her wrist and kissed her cuts.

"Trina, trust me, I know that this" I kissed another cut. "isn't worth it. These scars will never go away... I care about you... Please, just tell me why..."

"I cannot tell you why, I'm sorry..." again, she looked away.

"Please, just look at me..." she looked up. "I need to know why, I mean did I do anything, to make you do this?"

"Well you didn't exactly help..." she mumbled. "You know, never mind..."

"Please?" I begged. "I just need to know..."

"Ok, just please bear with me... Well, I started this, well after... Beck, when I was 15, something, something really happened... Please dont make me say it." She said with tears running down her face.

"Trina, baby you can do this." I held her cold hands.

"I was..."

***** Cliff Hanger! I hope that you liked it!*****

**Random Fact:**

**My favorite color is pink and I read way to much fanfiction :p**


	4. I'm Not Okay, But I will manage

Trina -

"I, I was... When I was 15, I was different than I am now, well I am not that different, but I am different. Then, I was, well I partied a lot, I did some drugs... and I was dating this guy, um Bobby... Well, he slipped me something..." tears where dripping down my face. "and, he raped me..." I looked up and I saw Beck gasp.

"Trina, you didn't deserve that, no one deserves that..."

"Beck, I did, I mean, honestly, I am just worth nothing... Guys, they only want me for that, they dont want me to talk to, to love, to care about, they want me to get laid and to make fun of... And I mean you and Robbie and Andre proved that, I am just a joke..."

"I, we didn't mean that... I promise, I will never let anyone do that to you..." he pulled me into a hug. He kept whispering sweet things into my ears as tears continued to run down my face.

"Beck, I am broken, and I cant be put back together again, so please, just go be with Tori or Jade or even Cat... I know that they all like you..." I wandered off. I know that he means well, but him just giving up on me, it is only going to make things worse.

"You are not to broken, and I am not going to give up, not now not ever." He looked at me with the same look that he gave me earlier, and he leaned in to kiss me, but I just turned my cheek.

"Beck, I um have to go... Maybe we can hang out tommorow?" I grinned at him.

"Yeah, definitly! Here let me drive you home."

"I think I am going to run, I need to think... Bye"

"Wait Trina!" but she was already gone.

School the Next Day

Now knowing that Beck and I had the same first period, I began to worry about where to go, so that I wouldn't have to deal with his pitiful glances. I hate pity, it is only for the weak... Deciding that I would go to the bleachers again, I sat alone, and the silence for once was almost peaceful, so that I could become lost in my own thoughts...

Beck -

*Text to: Cat, Andre, Robbie, Jade, Tori

meet me in the BlackBox - first period? C u soon*

In the Black Box

"Hey Beckie! why are we here?" Cat asked with a giggle.

"Yeah dude, I mean, I have homework that I forgot to do," Andre added.

"Hey Beck," Tori said flirtatiosly touching his arm, "What are we doing here? I mean I know where we could go to have some fun,"

"I need to talk to you guys, it's serious..." I began.

"Is everything ok?" Robbie asked, getting nervous, because he had always had a slight man crush on Beck and his voluminous hair.

"Well not exactly... It, its about Trina," I started, cautious of the stiuation.

"God, what the hell did she do now?" Tori complained.

"It's not what she did exactly, I guess I should start from the beginning." Suddenly I became aware that Trina may not want them to know, but maybe I should leave some of the details out. "Well, Trina, she is really depressed. I came in here the other day, and I heard her singing, I mean it was really good, like better than anyone else that I have ever heard."

"Bullshit!" I heard Tori call out.

"No, I am being real right now, when she saw me coming, she ran out. I found her bag, and I looked because then I didn't know that it was her, and I read her journal... Guys, we have been just cruel to her! I mean, we have hurt her so much, making her feel unloved, and when we acted like we liked her, guys, we hurt her more than she would ever let on. And Tori, there was a part, about how you and your parents always yell at her and from what I read, you all verbally abuse her! I thought that what we where doing was funny, but it isn't." I concluded, afraid of everyones impending actions. I know I didn't tell all of them about all of her self destructed behaviors, but when she is ready, maybe she would tell them, but they all needed to know that what we once did wasn't right.

"Beck, you don't live with us, I mean you saw one moment of her! She is terrible!" Tori rebuked.

"We all have our bad moments, but Tori, I know that you don't want to hear this, but I like her, and when I told her this, she was telling me about how I should go be with you... I hope that Trina and I go out," I said with a grin, "But anyways, we all" looking at Jade, "need to apologize to her."

"Hell no!" Jade shouted.

In a small whisper, Cat added "Maybe he's right... I remember before we all became friends, at my old school, people where mean..."

At Lunch -

I looked around the room, waiting for Trina to walk in, but then I realized that I have never, not once, seen her in here. "Hey guys, does anyone know where Trina eats lunch?" I asked, hoping to find an answer. Sinjin was walking by and replied, "She is on the bleachers, thats where she always hangs out." and with that, he walked away. I got up, to go be with her, and then the group questioned where I was going. "No one deserves to be alone." and with that i was gone.

Trina -

After all of my morning classes, I couldn't concentrate, the hunger pains where worse than they had been in a long time. I held my stomach, refusing to let tears fall. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone. 'Don't let anyone see you like this' a voice in my head commanded.

"Hey Trina!" Beck called out.

"Oh, hey... How did you know that I was -" Beck cut her off.

"Sinjin." he answered simply.

"That little bastard." I murmured.

"Aren't you hungry?" Beck questioned.

"Um, no! I'm totally fine!" on cue, my stomach lurched and I quickly grabbed my stomach and leaned over, not realizing that Beck could see I was in pain.

"Oh my god, Trina! Are you ok? Here, sit down, maybe you should eat this?" I handed her an apple that I had in my bag.

"Oh no, really I am fine! Besides, apples have to many calories." I said mindlessly.

"You don't need to worry about stuff like that" I said.

"Well you don't know the half of it... Beck, I think that I am gonna go get into my gym clothes and go for a run. I do have to log a certain amount of time being active to get my athletic credit..."

"Trina, please... You're so skinny, it looks like you where in the Holocaust!"

"So now I look gross!? I have to go..." And with that she walked off, leaving me needing to come up with a plan. Even though I keep wanting to pull her closer, I really only push her away.

Trina -

I walked into the Black Box and grabbed a brand new blade from purse. Walking onto the stage, and thought that maybe from being in the silence would hep, I looked down at my aray of cuts and slashed at my arm, thinking about how unworthy and terrible of a person that I am. When trying to blot the cut, I realized that I had cut to deep, and I was getting dizzier by the second. I grabbed my phone, knowing that I needed help and called Beck.

"Help..." I said before passing out.

Beck -

I was listening as I heard Trina ask for help, then I heard her fall. I quickly tried to think of where she might be: bleachers, BlackBox, bathroom? Trying to think on my feet, I decided that I needed help

Text: To Cat, Andre, Robbie, Jade, Tori

*** SOS, Trina is hurt and I cant find her! SOS***

From: Robbie - Where should I look? Andre is with me

From Cat - Jade and I are looking.

From Tori - she is a dram queen! I bet she is fineeeee

From Cat: FOUND HER! Thr iz SO much blood! Black Box!

As soon as I read the text, I sprinted down the hall to find I walked in, I was stunned. Jade was even stunned, which I have never seen. Once out of my daze, I ran up and I began to try and stop the bleeding. I took off my shirt and ripped it and began to care for her wounds, as Andre had once done for me. "Text Tori!" I called out. Finally, Trina dazes back into consiousness.

"Where am I" she questioned.

"Your in the theatre, baby. Shhhh... It will all be ok..."

"Sing to me..." she mumbled before falling asleep.

_Once my lover, Now my friend_

_What a cruel thing, To pretend_

_What a cunning way, To condescend_

_Once my lover and, Now my friend_

_Oh, you creep up, Like the clouds_

_And you set my soul at ease_

_Then you let_

_Your love abound_

_And you bring me_

_To my knees_

_Oh, it's evil, babe_

_The way you let_

_Your grace enrapture me_

_When will you know_

_I'd be insane_

_To ever let that_

_Dirty game recapture me_

_You made me_

_A shadowboxer, baby_

_I wanna be ready_

_For what you do_

_I've been swinging_

_All around me_

_'Cause I don't know_

_When you're gonna_

_Make your move_

_Oh, your gaze_

_Is dangerous_

_And you fill your_

_Space so sweet _

_If I let you_

_Get too close_

_You'll set your_

_Spell on me_

_So darlin'_

_I just wanna say_

_Just in case_

_I don't come through_

_I was on to every play_

_I just wanted you_

_But, oh, it's so evil_

_My love_

_The way you've no_

_Reverence to my concern_

_So I'll be sure to_

_Stay wary of you, love_

_To save the pain of_

_Once my flame and_

_Twice my burn_

_You made me_

_A shadowboxer, baby_

_I wanna be ready_

_For what you do_

_I've been swinging_

_All around me_

_'Cause I don't know_

_When you're gonna_

_Make your move_

***** Hey Guys! I hope that you liked the chapter! Please review and tell me what you think of it so far! This isn't my favorite chapter, but they will get better, I promise!*****

**Random Fact about C/G:**

**I have been doing musical theatre for 6 years!**

**It is practically my life**


	5. Nightmare on Victorious

***** Hey everyone! This chapter is dedicated to Baylee143! I hope that all of you review, ask questions, etc. So I hope to hear from all of you, so now here is the chapter!*****

Trina -

_Music was blasting through the speakers, and the floor seemed to pulse with the heavy base. This party was the biggest one yet, with almost 150 people dancing._

_"Hey baby," Bobby whispered into my ear, pulling my dancing hips closer to his as we moved to the beat that the DJ was playing._

_"Heyy" I slurred. We danced for hours at that party. He kept bringing me drink after drink, to the point that I didn't know what I was drinking at that point. _

_"Lets go in here," Bobby said while smirking. Unknowing of were we are going I went willingly. I was lead into a guest room in the upstairs of the house. He pushed me down onto the bed and started to pull down his pants..._

_"Wha-what are you doing?"I questioned, but by then it was to late, and I was trapped..._

i woke up in a cold sweat, feeling like I was back there in reality. I realized that tears where dripping down my cheeks, and nothing would stop them once they began. I decided to call Beck for once, I mean he did say to call him whenever I needed something...

"Hey Beck?" I said into the phone sweetly, hoping that he would let me come over.

"Um, yeah? Wait, is this Trina?" he asked me in a daze.

"Yeah, its me, um did I wake you up? I mean I guess I could call you another time..."

"No, its fine, well whats up?"

"Do you think that I could come over for the night? I had a nightmare after this fight with my parents..." I began, afraid that he would leave me here alone.

"Um, sure. I will be over there in five?"

"Ok, I owe you one." and with that, I hung up. I picked myself out of bed and stuffed my makeup bag and clothes for tomorrow into my bag, and got ready for him to pick me up. I saw his lights outside of my house, and I quickly dashed out of the house, afraid that my parents would see and come and yell at me.

"Well lets go!" he said with smile. The drive was silent, but a comfortable silence, unlike the last time. When we got to the trailer, he opened the door for me, I sttod there akwardly.

"Here, make yourself at home, um you can sleep in the bed if you want and I will sleep on the floor, or we could both sleep in the bed... Im sorry I shouldn't have said that..." He kept tripping over his own words.

"We can be in the same bed, I mean its fine." I said, inwardly smiling. We then both sat on the bed, waiting for the other to say something.

"Um, Trina?" he began cautiously.

"Yeah?"

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened? I mean, since the incident you haven't talked to anyone, and you seemed so upset when you called..."

"Well, before all of this happened, did I sit with any of you, did I? No, so I am just doing what I have done for the past year. And, I had this nightmare... I used to have these really bad nightmares, about what happened with Bobby" I said, uncomforable with where this was going.

"Trina, you can tell me anything, I mean if you don't want to, you don't have to, but I won't tell anyone... Maybe it would help to get that off of your chest?" He asked.

"I guess... Well, as I told you before, I was kind of messed up back then, I mean I was trying every drug imaginable, at least when I was partying. I was dating this guy, Bobby, he was 4 years older than me... He was my drug dealer, so I would make out with him or blow him and then he would give me drugs... But I told him I didn't want to have sex with him..." I looked up, and Beck started to look unconfortable. "I haven't ever talked about this, so it may be kind of hard to say... But we where at one of his parties, he had one every Thursday night. We where all dancing and drinking, and we danced for a while, and he kept giving me drink after drink, to the point where I didn't know what was in them. Then, he started to pull me into one of the rooms upstairs..." tears where streaming down my face. "And then he raped me... I tried to call out, and get help, but no one could hear me." I said through my sobs. He pulled me into a hug, and I just cried into his shoulder.

"Shhh, baby it's ok, it's ok... You didn't deserve that... No one does..."

-Beck -

With her in my arms, she eventually ran out of tears, and fell asleep. I laid her down on the bed, and I wrapped my arms around her and I too fell asleep.

-Morning-

Slowly, the sun began to shine through the blinds of my trailer, and I woke up to find that Trina was already out of bed. I got up and looked around, and found her in my "mini kitchen".

"Hey babe, what are you making?"

"Im making you some pancakes, as a way to say thanks for last night." she said with a smile. "And here you go!" On the plate was 5 pancakes with chocolate chips in the,.

"You didn't have to do that, thanks... And really it was my pleasure. You can come here whenever... I mean that." I said seriously,

"Thanks... I may take you up on that offer" she said with a grin.

"Arn't you going to eat?" Beck questioned, starting to worry.

"Oh no, this is all for you..." and she went back to sipping her water.

"Trina, please eat something..." I asked, secretly praying that she would give in.

"Beck... I just can't..."

"Just try... Please?" he begged.

"Beck, I can't... It will hurt..." she began.

"Why? I mean maybe it will make you feel good," I said gently. I mean, doesn't she need to eat?

"I'm gonna go change..." and Trina walked and grabbed her clothes for the day.

"Trina, please just eat a few bites of it." I pleaded. After she had finished changing, she came out.

'Fine..." She took a few small bites, with big gulps of water in between.

"Im ready to go when you are..." she said while picking up her overnight bag.

"Trina, you can leave that bag here, if you want." I invited.

"Ok, yeah, I will. So lets go to school!"

-At school -

Trina -

When I got to school, I said bye to Beck and went to my locker. Then, I was Tori pacing back and forth, obviously waiting for me with a scowl on her face.

"Where were you? You were supposst to give me a ride this morning?" Tori yelled.

"Sorry, I was at a friends house..." I tried to keep walking but nothing would stop Tori until she knew everything.

"What friends?" Tori sneered.  
"I spent the night at Beck's" I replied, knowing that this would shut her up.

"Are you really that pathetic that you have to lie?" She replied, obviously not happy with my response.

"Go ask Beck then." and with that I walked to my locker and quickly stuffed my things in it, and briskly walked to the bathroom. After everything that Beck had made me eat, I could feel fat exploading from my body. Locking the stall door behind me, I quickly forced the food out of me, and wiped my mouth clean of the vomit. Not being able to stand the stench for a second more, I flushed all of it down the drain. When I walked out, I found Jade sitting on the countertop.

*****Cliff Hanger! I hope that you like the story and please review and let me know how I am doing! ******

**Random Fact about C/G - **

**I almost got kicked out of public school in 7th grade,**

**but then did really well in Private School :p**

**PLEASE REVIEW! 3**


	6. An Alliance

***** Hey guys! I hope that you are liking the story, and feel free to comment, ask questions, suggestions, etc. Also please REVIEW! They make me super duper happy! And I hope that everyone can find something to relate too! I hope that you like it - so here is the newest chapter!**

_RECAP!_

_After everything that Beck had made me eat, I could feel fat exploading from my body. Locking the stall door behind me, I quickly forced the food out of me, and wiped my mouth clean of the vomit. Not being able to stand the stench for a second more, I flushed all of it down the drain. When I walked out, I found Jade sitting on the countertop._

"Vega, can we talk?"Jade asked.

"How long have you been here?" I countered, hoping that she had just walked in.

"Long enough to know whats going on, so can we go somewhere?" she said nicely.

"Is this some sort of game?"

"No, can we go somewhere else? Anyone could walk in..."

"Um, sure, lets go?" I said unsurely. I followed her out of the school, and to her car.

"Get in!" Jade called out. I got in and she turned up the radio to KIIS FM

"Definitly not what I was expecting," I said with a smirk, "Where are we going?"

"My house, its only a mile or two from here. And there are many sides to me, and here we are!" And we both got out of the car, and she led me up the stairs. And sat right down on her dark green and black bed spread.

"I know what your going through," she began, "Two years ago, during the summer before sophmore year, my mom was teaching me how to drive, and she kept telling me to keep my eyes on the road... Well I turned, to tell her that I was doing fine, and then a big truck slammed into her side of the car and killed her. I saw it coming, for just a split second, but I couldn't do anything. Well, my dad, he blamed me for her death, and he will never forgive me. I couldn't deal with the guilt, and I have needed a way to deal. I do the dame thing that you do..."

"Tori, my mom and dad are verbally abusive... When I was fifteen, I was raped, I did drugs and I drank a lot. After Bobby and I broke up, I didn't have the drugs anymore, and I didn't have control anymore, so I starve and I purge."

"I have this idea, maybe we could work together? Like support each other?" Jade asked.

"Well I guess that we are a team!"

-The Next Day-

I woke up to my phone buzzing on my nightstand. I looked over to the clock, and I realized that it was already 6:30.

***New text message: Beck- Hey! We all want u to eat lunch w/ us 2morow! 3

Great. Just great.

***Hey J itz T, B wantz me to com to lunch! Wht should I do?

***SUKZ! Mayb sit w/ me? Letz c who can eat da least :)looser has 2 eat a meal with da fam?

***UR ON! :) c u l8tr...

I quickly got ready, grabbed my bag and my keys, and got into my car.

School-

"Hey Trina, is where were you yesterday?" Beck questioned.

"Jade and I hung out, she is nicer than I thought!"

"Well I gotta get to class, but I will see you at lunch then?"

"Um, yeah... See you then!"

Later, at Lunch

I strutted over to the lunch table and put on a brave face. Sitting down next to Jade, I realized that we where the only people without food in front of us.

"Hey babe," Beck said. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that Jade was staring daggers at him. "Sorry Jade..."

"None of your PDA or sweet talk here, atleast around me." Jade sneered.

"Aren't you hungry?" Beck asked.

"I had a big breakfast..." I began, hoping to change the subject.

"No you didn't!" Tori shouted across the table. "Well, anyway, Andre and I have a little announcement," I was hoping that this would be the distraction that I was looking for.

"Yeah, Tori and I are dating." Andre finished with a grin.

"Congrats guys!" Beck said.

"Yay!" Cat sang. For the rest of lunch, we got every freaking detail of Andre and Tori's relationship. Jade and I grinned to each other, knowing that neither one of us had put a bite into our mouths.

Two weeks later

I stripped down to my underwear and stepped onto my cold scale. The numbers wavered for a few minutes, but then, it finally settled to 122.

"What?" I whispered to myself. I had been trying to make Beck think that I was ok and eat in front of him, then throw up, but it obviously wasn't enough, because in the last two weeks I had gained 4 pounds! I looked into the mirror and pinched and prodded into my stomach, tears falling as I seemed to find more and more nonexistant fat rolls. My thighs seemed to have fat bubbling off of them, my butt was growing larger by the second. I kept crying and crying, until there where no more tears to cry. Sliding down the wall, I crawled into a ball and eventually fell asleep.

The Next Day

"Trina, why aren't you eating? You feeling ok?" Beck asked.

"I'm not feeling good today..." I began, it wasn't lying, I mean I really wasn't feeling well today. My head was pounding, my stomach kept growling angrily, and dizzy spells kept torturing me.

"Do you need me to walk you to the nurse or drive you home?" he asked, trying to make sure that she would be ok.

"I think I will be fine, but thanks... Actually, I am going to go by the library, I have a history test 7th period, and I haven't even started to study."

"Well, OK... Are you coming to the RV after school?"

"Yeah, I guess that I will see you later then..." with that I walked off.

***** Hey y'all, I guess this chapter was a filler-ish chapter, I had major writers block the last few days :( Sorry that it isn't me best work, but all of your reviews inspire me! So please review soon so I know how I am doing, and I promise that I will update more often and it will be better! I love y'all and I hope everyone is having fun in school!**

**Random Fact about C/G:**

**I am the biggest Harry Potter fan that**

**You will ever meet! I would literally marry Rupert Grint :p**

**3**


	7. One Million Words, to show One Emotion

*****Hey y'all! I hope that you like the chapter (good things will happen with the Beck and Trina relationship :) So I hope that you like it and please let me know, your reviews do really make my day! **

Trina:

Here in California, the leaves on the trees finally started to change colors. Tying my grey and pink Nike tennis shoes, ready for a run to clear my pounding head. With my headphones in my ears, and the front door locked behind me, I began to sprint down the tree lined sidewalks

_A falling star fell from your heart_

_And landed in my eyes_

_I screamed aloud, as it tore through them_

_And now it's left me blind_

Sweat began to bead on my forehead. Ever since Jade and I had become friends, I had tried to cut Beck off, kowing that he was trying to make me fat again. Every time he called, I pretended to be out, or doing homework, or anything else. I'm afraid. Maybe he will try to make me fat again, or make me get better. That just can't happen, I mean, I cant be seen as weak, not by Beck, not by Jade, and especially not by Tori.

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out_

_You left me in the dark_

_No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight_

_In the shadow of your heart_

_And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat_

_I tried to find the sound_

_But then it stopped and I was in the darkness_

_So darkness I became_

Tori and I have been talking to Tori, its hard to talk to someone that is always high with her boyfriend, or drunk. I guess whatever floats her boat. She told my parents about the cutting incident, and they laughed. Since then I don't spend very much time at home. Still sprinting, I began to slow down with exaustion, my lungs seeming to not be able to fill with enough air. My face was turing red, and I had to sit down in front of an old record shop, afraid that this would bring on another dizzy spell.

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out_

_You left me in the dark_

_No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight_

_In the shadow of your heart_

_I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map_

_And knew that somehow I could find my way back_

_Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too_

_So I stayed in the darkness with you_

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out_

_You left me in the dark_

_No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight_

_In the shadow of your heart_

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out_

_You left me in the dark_

_No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight_

_In the shadow of your heart_

Attempting to regain control, I stood back up very slowly, afraid that I would fall right back down. Once sure I was stable and breathing normally again, I forced myself to sprint again, going farther and farther away from my house.

At School -

"So the Halloween dance is coming up," Tori said, smiling at Andre.

"Im going to be a bunny!" Cat squealed with a little giggle.

"I am going to scare the shit out of all of you," Jade said with a smirk.

"Jade!" Robbie scolded, knowing that Cat hates cussing.

"Sorry Cat..." Jade said whining like.

"It's OK!" Cat said happily.

Breaking my silence in our circle of chairs in Sikowitz's room, I said timidly "Um, when is it? I hadn't heard about it."

"It's a dance, that **I** convinced Mr. J [the principal] to let us have it! It's on Halloween, obviously." Tori said proudly wearing a smirk on her face.

"Oh." I said, looking down.

"Hello Everyone! Take your seats, take your seats, now today, we are going to be auditioning for my new original play called "Sticks and Stones"! So everyone, here is the scene, and I know that you can all sing a little tune for me, so all of you will pick a number!" Sikowitx passed around half a coconut with numbers in it, and each of us picked one.

"I got number 1!" squealed Tori.

"Well on get up there!" Sikowitz said.

Cat strutted on the stage confidently, and started singing her own rendition of "Baby" by Justin Bieber. Beck and I started giggling to each other as soon as we recognized the song.

In a hushed tone, Beck whispered in my ear "Your my baby, you know that right?"

"I didn't" I said, half-smiling at him.

When I looked up, and I realized that André was up, singing "Scream" by Usher. I looked over at Tori, who seemed to really like the song. I leaned over to Beck, and said in a hushed tone "I wonder if Tori is smiling so much because André made her scream last night"

"Probably" he said with his husky laugh. "Maybe we could go somewhere after this, I know this little coffee shop?"

"Um, sure..." I said, for a second not thinking about calories.

"Who's up next?" Sikowitz yelled across the room.

"Oh, sorry I am." I said, walking up the few stairs to the stage. "I am singing Paper Bag by Fiona Apple,

_I was staring at the sky,_

_ just looking for a star _

_To pray on, or wish on_

_, or something like that _

_I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy _

_Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had _

_But then the dove of hope began it's downward slope _

_And I believed for a moment that my chances _

_Were approaching to be grabbed _

_But as it came down near, so did a weary tear _

_-I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag _

_-Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills _

_'cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up _

_I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold _

_-Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love _

_And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb _

_Looking for a little hope _

_Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine, _

_And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope _

_I said, "Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified _

_Come on put a little love here in my void,' - he said _

_"It's all in your head,' and I said, "So's everything' - _

_But he didn't get it - I thought he was a man _

_But he was just a little boy _

_-Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills _

_'cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up _

_I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold _

_-Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love _

_-Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills _

_'cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up _

_I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold _

_-Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love"_

After I finished, I walked off stage, afraid of the critisizem that I would be getting from Tori, and everyone else.

"That was really good!" Beck said. I realized that that was only the second time he had heard me sing. "So, after I go, wanna get out of here?"

"Sure!"

"Beck! Your the last one, correct?" Sikowitz said.

"Yes sir, so here we go

_Step one you say we need to talk_

_He walks you say sit down it's just a talk_

_He smiles politely back at you_

_You stare politely right on through_

_Some sort of window to your right_

_As he goes left and you stay right_

_Between the lines of fear and blame_

_You begin to wonder why you came_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_Let him know that you know best_

_Cause after all you do know best_

_Try to slip past his defense_

_Without granting innocence_

_Lay down a list of what is wrong_

_The things you've told him all along_

_And pray to God he hears you_

_And pray to God he hears you_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_As he begins to raise his voice_

_You lower yours and grant him one last choice_

_Drive until you lose the road_

_Or break with the ones you've followed_

_He will do one of two things_

_He will admit to everything_

_Or he'll say he's just not the same_

_And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_How to save a life_

_How to save a life_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_How to save a life_

_How to save a life"_

He walked off stage, like the rock star he is, and grabbed my hand, and we walked out of the theatre, got in his car, and got off to our first real date.

*****Hey y'all! I hope that you like the chapter, and I am sorry that I put two songs in the chapter, but trust me they will tie into the next chapter, and who will get the lead role in "sticks and stones"! Well please review and give me suggestions! It really does make my day!**

**Random Fact about C/G:**

**I have watched every episode of Dance Academy,**

**But because I'm from the US, I had to watch it all on Youtube!**

**xoxo**


	8. Together

*****Hey y'all! I hope you like the chapter and please review for me! I love all of you who review and let me know what you are thinking about it (or PM me random stuff) and I just wanted to say that it touched my heart that I got a message about how my story related to their lives! It actually made me cry :) Also I just wanted to let you know that I am going to try as hard as I can to update a minimum of twice a week, but if I don't, I am probably just super busy doing school stuff, and my brother got bitten by our dog and his eye got swollen and he had to go to the ER! AHHHHHH! Well, so I hope that I get more of those 3**

Trina:

"I liked your song," I said with a grin.

"Thanks, it was for you." He said with a smile.

"Really..." I replied, afraid of the road that we are going down.

"You can tell me anything T, I mean that."

"yeah, I know that..."

"You look really pretty tonight," he said, beaming at me.

"Thanks," I smiled at the ground bashfully.

"Well here we are!" Beck quickly got out of the car and opened my car door for me.

"Thanks, no one has ever done that for me" I smiled sweetly

"No problem babe," he said, opening the door to the coffee shop/ restaurant for me. He strutted up to the hostess, and asked her about our reservation.

"Right this way" the blonde said, trying to flaunt her obvious boob job to Beck.

"Thanks," he said, pulling out my chair for me. I smiled widely at him, noticing that he didn't give the hostess a second look. Once she left, Beck and I looked over the menu, and my head began to spin, looking at all of the fried things, heavy sauces and calorie heavy dishes.

"So what are you going to get?" Beck questioned.

"I think a baked potato?" I said, realizing that it was my only option, and I needed to Beck that I'm ok. After an hour of our random conversation, our food was brought out. I just stared at it in silence, fear that Beck seeing me eat would make him even more disgusted with me. But no sooner than Beck taking his first bite, I was digging into my food, realizing that this was my first meal in days. 'Maybe this isn't so bad' I thought to myself, but then a voice in my head began to scold me, telling me that Beck must be disgusted with me.

"So do you want any dessert?" the overweight waitress asked.

"Um sure!" Beck answered for me.

"I guess I will have the sour apple popsicle?" I responded, knowing that the cold would burn more calories than one of the baked desserts.

"So Trina, um, I have been meaning to talk to you, I mean I never see you around, and you seem to be getting thinner and thinner, and I really didn't know that it was possible..." Beck said, obviously worried about me.

"I'm fine Beck really,"

"Well here you both are! A popsicle for you and a warm fudge brownie, and just let me know when you need your check!" Beck and I both began to eat in silence.

"How is it?" I asked, hoping to break the tension.

"Its really good, and how is your popsicle?" he said in his usual flirtatious voice.

"Just fabulous!" I replied, staring at him as I wrapped my lips around the popsicle, teasing him.

"You are definitely a piece of work Vega,"

"Why thank-you! I am going to the bathroom," I said, realizing that I was probably a) disgusting him with me eating b) I could feel fat bubbling off of my body. Hurrying the bathroom, I pulled my hair up and began to purge, unaware that anyone could come into the bathroom at any moment.

"Yeah, so I am so going to Johnny's party tomorrow night!" a high pitched voice said. I panicked, realizing that these girls could have heard me. With my throat on fire, and the food in my stomach, I cleaned myself up, flushed the toilet and walked out, trying not to cry.

"Are you ok?" Beck asked. It took every little bit of power not to beg him to help me, not to tell him what was wrong.

"I think so... Can we go back to your place? We can be alone..." I think he got what I was suggested, because we where out of there at 80 miles an hour. He couldn't seem to get the smile off of his face, and I realized that he was expecting me to sleep with him. Maybe I will, but at the same time I know that doing "it" could spoil us, and he would be disgusted with what I look like. We got to the trailer, and I sat down on his bed, just like I had a few weeks ago. He was going to sit down next to me, but I pulled him into a kiss. He deepened it, and it seemed like nothing could stop us, I began to unbutton his shirt, finding a white undershirt underneath, and he began to pull up my black shirt. Then he stopped.

"Trina, I want to do this, so so bad, but I don't think that we should..."

"Wh-why not?" I asked, afraid to hear his impending answer.

"I don't want to hurt you... And after what that guy did, I don't want to hurt you." he looked down, absorbing the sight of my disgusting body. "But babe, you are so sexy, I promise, this is just about me not wanting to hurt you, nothing else." He said, apologetically.

"You won't hurt me," I said in a faint whisper.

"Can I ask you something? I mean this is a personal question..." He asked. I was frozen in fear for a second, afraid of the impending question.

"Yeah,"

"Have you been with any guys since Bobby?" he asked. I looked down, afraid that he would throw me out if he heard the answer...

"Um, yeah... I've slept with four other guys..." I said really ashaimed, and tears started to well in my eyes

" Hey, its ok..." he said rubbing my back.

"Your not mad?" I questioned, assuming the worst.

"No! Why would I be mad at you? I mean you did nothing wrong... We all make mistakes and we all have our demons. Trina, when your really ready to do this, we can, but I think right now we should wait."

"I have never heard a guy say that before," she stated in disbelief.

"Well I am not every other guy," He said with a wide smirk "Are you staying over tonight?"

"I don't know," I said with a flirtatious smile, "not unless you want me to"

"Well I guess that you are staying then." In that moment, I had never felt so wanted in my life. But little did I know that all of this joy would come crashing down around me.

"Just because we aren't having sex, doesn't mean we cant even touch each other, here, let me say thank-you." With that, I sat in his lap, and I remembered all of the times that I had been with guys, and nothing had been as great as this, for once I wanted to do this. Our lips met, and moved in harmony with electricity running through my body with every touch. We returned to taking off each other's clothes, and soon enough I was left in my lace bra and underwear. (****This may be graphic, but they won't go all the way****) his hands explored my body, and for once I wasn't worried what he thought. He kept whispering compliments into my ears, and I couldn't help but smile through my kisses.

"Trina," he whispered.

"Yeah? How about we dont talk for a minute, we just do this," I said, preparing to take off his boxers and make him happy with my mouth.

"Trina, I need to tell you something." he said, trying to regain control over his body.

"What is it?" I questioned, leaving my cloud of bliss.

"I love you, and this isn't just something I am saying because of this, but I need you to be ok, and I know that you are not. I have never felt this for anyone else, not Jade, not Tori, I have never felt this before. Just please tell me, tell me everything that is going on!" He begged. I sat there stunned for a second. I robotically grabbed one of his shirts and covered myself up, and began to prepare myself for the impending tears.

"Ar- Are you sure that you want to hear this?" I asked, confirming his thoughts.

"You can tell me anything, and it will stay here, I wont tell anyone,"

"Well... I am going to try to explain this in the only way that I know how to. You know how close in age Tori and I are? Well being 16 months apart is hard, I mean we always had to fight for attention, and try to be the best at everything. When she was really young, I was always the best, I mean I could already walk and talk, and I was better at soccer and things like that, but as we got older, she grew taller than me quickly, she got picked before me in dodgeball, and I wasn't in control of anything. She teased me, tortured me, and then when I wanted to be all in your little group, she treated me like I had a disease or something, so I had to act like I didn't care, and act like everything was OK, but everything isn't ok..." tears steadily began to fall down my face. "This is totally ruining the mood that we where in, isn't it... Well anyway, um, I turned to drugs, to numb all of this, I mean I couldn't find a way to deal with all of this drama with Tori... But the being high all the time, it wasn't enough for me, I just couldn't escape from reality." I realized that I was about to tell him the one secret that I had been protecting for years, and I couldn't let Jade win, I couldn't let her loose more weight than me. I just began to sob, and Beck rubbed my back, trying to calm me down.

"Baby, it's ok... It's ok..." he whispered, soothing me. He then pulled away, and I was afraid that he would make me leave. "Trina, um, I was wondering, maybe we could really date... Like go to the first Hollywood arts Homecoming together, hold hands, go on dates, stuff like that." My heart started to beat out of my chest. Usually I was the one chasing guys, not the other way around.

"Yeah, but we don't have to go to Homecoming, I really don't think that that is your style." I said smiling.

"Maybe we will go, maybe we won't, I guess you will just have to wait and see!" He said, obviously mentally planning.

"Its 3 in the morning," I said with a giggle.

"Well then little lady, I guess we should go to bed now." He said, and we laid down next to each other. Me in one of his old sleep shirts, and him in his grey and maroon boxers. His arms wrapped around my cold body, and I had never felt such a closeness with anyone.

"I think I love you too," I whispered.

*****Ok guys, I hoped that you liked the chapter, (I have been writing this chapter between my classes for days :p) PLEASE message me, REVIEW, and tell me what you think. *****

**Random fact about C/G!**

**I have this little thing for Big Bird, **

**And I still have the BIG stuffed animal of him **

**From when I was 1!**


	9. We Go Around in a Full Circle

*****Hey y'all! I hope that you like this chapter, and please let me know what you think, because all of your reviews and just knowing that over 700 people have read this (My mind was BLOWN!) All of you have really touched my heart and I hope that all of you read it and let me know :) I love all of you, and here is the chapter!**

**Recap:**

"Well then little lady, I guess we should go to bed now." He said, and we laid down next to each other. Me in one of his old sleep shirts, and him in his grey and maroon boxers. His arms wrapped around my cold body, and I had never felt such a closeness with anyone.

"I think I love you too," I whispered.

Beck

With my arms wrapped around her, I realized that even though she had fallen asleep, I didn't want to let her go, to protect her. But I didn't know what I was protecting her from, or at least trying to. Maybe I am just trying to protect her from herself. Looking down at her, the moonlight shined on her hair through the window. I had never noticed how beautifully colored this was, with dark chocolate browns and blacks, auburns, reds and blondes. My sleep shirt, god... I have never seen any article of clothing look so sexy. All night, I just thought about this, how beautiful she is...

The Next Morning - Trina:

For the second time sleeping over at Beck's, I had a dreamless sleep, and nothing could get me off of this cloud nine that I was floating on, well, accept Beck's alarm clock. "Beep Beep Beep!" It sang, and Beck rolled over, untangling our bodies, and turned it off.

"Hello gorgeous," He said with a smile,

"Hey sexy" I said flirtatiously.

"I was thinking, maybe we could, maybe tell people that we are together... I mean I will get it if you aren't ready to tell people..." Beck offered, afraid that she would say no.

I contemplated for a minute, trying to think of what Tori would do, and if this would break my alliance with Jade. "Yeah, I think that we could," I said with a smile, realizing that he was serious.

At Lunch

Every seat at the table was filled, and I just stood there, feeling awkward.

"Oh, hey Trina, here let me pull you up a chair" Beck said, getting up from the uncomfortable chairs.

"You know what, y'all look really busy, so I think that I will just go, and maybe we can hang out later..." I said, starting to walk off.

"No, here" He said kindly, pulling out a chair for her. "Um Trina and I wanted to tell all of you something," Every head at the table looked at them intently.

"Well, um... We are um..." I began to stutter and tumble over my own words.

"We are dating, for real," Beck said confidently, grabbing my slightly shaking hand and rubbing his callusesed thunb against the top of my hand soothingly.

"Are you kidding me Trina? Are you pregnant or something? I mean first your little emo stint, then your not coming home at night, and being jealous of me! I mean really!?" Tori shouted across the table. Turning violently on my heel, I walked away.

No POV:

"Did you REALLY have to do that?" Beck questioned, leaving Tori speechless because Beck had again choose Trina over her. "I have to go find her..." he added before chasing after her. Looking down every hallway, Beck couldn't seem to find her anywhere.

Trina:

With adrenaline flowing through my veins, I went into the older bathroom that no one ever went in, because only one of the toilets worked. Locking the main door behind me, I locked the stall door and went through my bag, trying to find my razor, that I had never used. This was the longest I have ever gone without cutting, I mean I went three weeks, but soon my acomplishment wouldn't matter anymore, because it would all go down the drain. With the brand new Exacto-Knife blade in hand, I pushed aside my many braclets, and stared down at my wrist, and for a minute, I considered the consiquences, but as quickly as it had come, pressing the blade into my soft flesh, I quickly closed my eyes, fore I couldn't handle to see the blade in my wrist. I didn't go very deep, just deep enough so that relief would flood over my body like a tidal wave.

Beck:

I hadn't seen Trina look so crushed in weeks, I mean she was doing better, and she seemed so much happier, until fucking Tori had to get in the way... Running around the school, I had looked in every room on the first floor, and I even went into the girls dressing room. Running up the stairs to the second floor, I continued searching...

Trina:

Blood began to flow freely down my fore arm, and dripped onto the floor. I just stared at my cut for a minute. I traced over my past cuts with the blade, I couldn't even remember what had set me off some of these times. For a few minutes, all of the hunger pains, the emotions, they all just washed away, but the slowly came searing back. I made a few more cuts, and again I got my cutting high. In my floaty state, I washed off my arm and I got out my mini first aid kit. Over the last few months, I had gotten quite good at mending my cuts. Finally putting on a Muppets bandaid, I laughed to myself, thinking of how I am covering my vile cuts with something so innocent as a Muppets bandaid. Wiping away the tears that had eventually streamed down my face, I unlocked the bathroom and acted like nothing had happened. Running down the hall, I saw a panting Beck coming towards me.

"Where, were, you?" Beck said between his deep breathes.

"I just went to the bathroom," I replied nonchalontly.

"So your ok?" He questioned after finally catching his breathe.

"Yeah, Im fine! And maybe later we can make Tori jealous later when she sees us making out together," I said with a flirtatious grin, I realized that was the perfect distraction from what I had just happened.

"Well I guess that we should get started on that" he said with a smile. His lips crashing down on mine, we began to move in sync.

"How about we go back to your place after school?" I said, realizing that anyone could walk by and see us. I started to feel my warm, scarlet colored blood drip down onto my hand. Looking into Beck's eyes, I pulled my hand behind my back, hoping that he wouldnt see what I had done. My bracelets rubbed against the raw cuts, and my eyes began to water again.

"Hey, you ok?" Beck asked, seeing the pain that was written across my face.

"Yeah, why?" I rebuked, afraid that he would realize what I had done. I said a silent prayer, grasping for straws at the chance that he wouldn't see what I had done.

"Never mind," he said, reaching for my hands.

"Um Beck? I have to go right now... I have, um... I have to get to class... I forgot to do my homework." I started to walk away.

"OK, um well I will see you later! And I will pick you up after school?"

"Yeah, you drove me to school, so I dont even have my car here.. Maybe we could drop by my house? I need to get more clothes," I added with my left wrist hidden.

"OK babe, bye..." and with that he walked away, and I returned to the abandoned bathroom and tried to clean up my wrist. Finally stopping the blood, I added another bandaid to cover these cuts and I looked into the mirror, staring at my reflection. All of the negative thoughts that I had been thinking for the last few years began to swarm around me, and all I could see in the mirror was flaws and fat.

'I guess I will have to work harder then.' I said to myself.

*****Ok everyone, I hope that you liked the story, and please review and PM me! I really love to hear your opinion so I hope that you loved it!**

**Random Fact about C/G**

**I have switched schools to many times to count, **

**And have lived in 5 different houses**

**Love Y'all!**


	10. A Text that will Rock My World

*****Hey Y'all! I hope that you love this chapter, and please let me know what you think! I am trying REALLY hard to update more often, so I hope you enjoy! And this chapter is really dramatic and if you don't like what you are reading, then maybe you shouldn't read it! And I appreciate how there are more followers and I hope to get some reviews, comments and questions! I am always open for suggestions :) I love all of you and I hope that you love it! Xoxo**

**!Side note! - now in the story is on Friday, just clarifying! And sorry if their upcoming homecoming is made to sound like a Texas homecoming! I live in Texas so it may sound to over the top, but thats just how we do :p**

Trina:

_"Don't know who you are,_

_But you look like a star,_

_Everybody here is singin' who's that boy?"_ My alarm sang. Dragging myself out of bed, I went into my large and orgaanized bathroom.Pulling my stainless steel scale out from under my counter top, I stripped down to just my undergarnments and heasatently stepped onto the scale. I looked down with fear. In a small whisper, "116" I stared down in disbelief. I couldn't believe that I had lost 4 pounds in the last two days! Looking into the mirror, trying to see a difference. "Not good enough," the voice whispered. "I guess I need to loose more," I said to myself. Pulling out my iPhone, I dialed Jade's number.

"Hey,"

"Um, hey Trina"

"Wanna go for a run?"

"We should! How about you drive over to my house, and then we run down to the beach?" she asked.

"Yeah, definitly!" I said, ready to brag about my weight loss. "I can be over there by 7:30?"

"Cool, um maybe we should just ditch today? We could go to the mall, get our Homecoming dresses and our Halloween Dance costumes?" she suggested.

"Yeah! And we could sit in the food court and stare at the fat people," I said with a giggle.

"Definitely, well then you need to get over here!" Jade said, acting the nicest I had ever seen her act. With that she hung up, and I quickly filled my fake Louis Vuitton tote bag with my curling iron, makeup, outfit for the mall and my new black heels with spikes on the toe. Pulling on my Nike tennis shoes and my Victoria Secret cropped yoga pants, a tank top and a Juicy Couture pullover, I pilled my stuff into my car, but this didn't go unnoticed by Tori.

"Where are you going?" my younger sister demanded.

"A place." I said before slamming my car door shut and making my way to Jade's.

- On a Run With Jade -

Running through the sand, all of my muscles burned, and I my lungs felt as if they where going to expload in my chest.

"Can, we, take, a break?" Jade asked, panting.

"Yeah! I, can like, barely, breathe!" I said. I didn't quit first, I won.

"You know, we are lucky, I mean while everyone else just packs on the pounds like your sister, we get a chance to be perfect." Jade said once she was able to speak normally.

"God, can we not talk about her? I mean what is up with her slutting it up qith André, I mean I liked the chic that wouldn't stop making out with him better that THIS" I rebuked, annoyed with even the slightest thought of my sister.

"You really hate her, don't you?" Jade asked, already knowing the answer.

"If I could murder her, I would." I said emotionless.

"Vega, you really do have anger issues, I like it" she said with a smirk.

"Your just realizing this h=now?" I asked sarcastically. -bzzzzzz- my phone vibrated in my pocket.

Text Message from Graham - :Hey in town - idk if u remember, but if u do, maybe we could try us - G

My heart rate quickened as I thought of him. I had this one guy friend named Graham, my childhood best friends older brother. I was a freshman and he was a senior... He lived in Texas, but we still talked a lot. He knew about my eating issues, and he said that it was ok... I mean it felt good that he worried about me and checked in to make sure I was okay... In late September of that year, we where playing this texting game that we made up, its called "the truth game". We had become way to comfortable together, and he asked me if I would ever sleep with him... I said yes, I mean he was the only guy that ever really had my back so why not, and it didn't hurt that I had a crush on him since the third grade. He said he liked me too... I didn't think of the consiquences, but we sexted for three hours, and he called me baby, said I was beautiful, and by the end, he wasn't sure if we should have done this. He said that he had liked me for two years, and that in a few years he definitly wants us to date, but that what we had done, he said that we should just try to forget about it for now, and maybe every few months we could do this, but he didn't want me to feel used. Don't get me wrong, I had never felt so wanted before, but I wanted to be with him now. He checked in with me a few times a week, and nothing was awkward, it was just that this hope that I had, that we could maybe be together. Looking down at my phone again, I read over his words. "Hey, in town - idk if u remember, but if u do, maybe we could try us - G"

"Hey, you ok?" Jade asked.

"Um... Yeah... I have to go, raincheck on going to the mall?" I asked, realizing that I needed to figure all of this out.

"Um, sure - we can run back to my place, ok?"

"Yeah, thanks"

*****Ok everyone! I just wanted to say sorry about the super short chapter, I am ultra stressed with my school's retreat tomorrow! Well I will write you later, and the last part about a guy actually happened yesterday :p FML*****

**Random Fact:**

**I suck at math but I have and A in **

**Advanced Geometry!**

**YOLO :p**


	11. Dont Forget About Beck

***Hey y'all! Im sorry for not updating in a while - I went to go visit my crazy grandparents, and they dont like me :p I have realized that Indiana is definitly not the place for me! Im a Califronia Girl at heart :) Well here is the chapter - please let me know what you think and tell me if there are any areas that I'm not developing enough in the story! Well here it is:

I hadn't heard from him in months, I mean I thought that is college life had just consumed him and he had forgotten all about me, but he hadn't. Finally mustering up the courage to text him back, I began to type in the letters one by one.

"hey! Missed talking to u! Wanna go meet somewhere?" This is good, right? Just flirty enough so that he can think that something could happen, but it isn't putting all of my cards on the table, right? SEND. Maybe he wont text back? Maybe he will look at you and realize that he will never want to be with a fat girl? Maybe-

My thoughts where interupted by the buzzing of my back pocket.

"Definitly! There is a Starbucks by my hotel - you know it?'

"I know the place - c u there in 5?"

"Yeah, c u then ;)" My heart was beating out of my chest, and I just wanted to scream! Rummaging through my closet, I found a cute pair of skinny jeans, snakeskin heels, and a oversized sweater. Grabbing my car keys, I made my way to Starbucks without even thinking about calories - or Beck.

"Trina, can you give me a ride to the store?" Tori asked with puffy eyes and tear stains down her cheeks.

"Um, not right now - do you want to talk later?" I asked, suddenly worried about my little sister. I know that we don't get along, and I much less don't even like her, but I still need to make sure she is okay, right? Isn't that what a sister is for?

"Yeah, thanks Trina..." she said, before shuffling back up the stairs in her fluffy Muppets pajama pants.

'I wonder what's up with her?' I asked myself before getting in my car and pulling out of the driveway to go see Graham.

-At Starbucks-

Walking in, I didn't know what to expect, I mean I hadn't seen him in a few years. Looking around the crowded coffee shop, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Trina?" A low voice asked. I whipped around, and laid eyes on the guy that I had been texting back and fourth with for years.

"Hey!" I said, his arms wrapping me up in a a big bear hug.

-Grahams Point of View-

"Oh Trina..." I said, scared by the fact that she was so tiny. She was worse than she had been last time I had seen her; she promised that she would try to get better...

"What?" she asked, pulling away from our warm embrace. Knowing her, she wouldn't react well to any critisism.

"Nothing, its just so good to finally see you." I said with a sincere smile. I wasn't lying - it is so good to see her.

"It's good to see you to! So... We haven't talked in a while... How's college?" she asked.

-Trina's POV-

I stared at him. His longer skater boy hair brushed against his eyebrows, his dark eyes seemed to have this bright spark in them, and his flirty and boyish grin hadn't changed.

"Trina?" he asked, snapping me out of my daze.

"Oh, sorry" I said with a smile.

"I was wondering what the dating scene is like around here," he asked, obviously hoping to hear if I was seeing anyone.

All of a sudden it hit me - Beck. Practically on cue, Beck texted me.

*Hey babe! Wanna come to my place l8tr?

"Well, I am kind of dating a guy right now, but it isnt serious," I said, trying to make things sound less bad then they really where.

"Oh, well, if he ever leaves the picture let me know... So how are you, I mean really?" he asked, turning back into the guy that I have always loved.

"I'm okay..."

"Trina, look at me. Something is going on, I know it is. If you dont want to tell me right now, I guess that it is okay. I am going to be in town for a month or two, or however long you need me here, so if you ever need to talk, please come to me." He said, with emotions freely flowing.

"I might take you up on that offer." I said with a slight smile. "I, I think I have to go," I said looking at my phone. "But maybe tomorrow night I could pick you up then show you around LA?"

"Trina, I did live here, but sure. Anything to spend time with you."

"Well I will see you tomorrow then," I said with a flirty smile. I hugged him goodbye, and I left, worried about what to do about Beck.

***Okay guys, I am sorry about the short chapter, but I promise that it won't happen again, and there will be a new chapter up soon! I love you guys and please keep reading the story :)

Random fact about C/G:

My friends say that I am a total flirt ;)

But really I am the biggest dork that will ever walk the earth

Flirt by day, dork by night ;P


	12. Who's Her Leading Man

***So this is the first chapter that I have written in a few months, and I think it will be pretty good! Actually I think that I am way to used to writing research papers, not writing for fun, so I am sorry if it is totally awful - and if it is, please let me know so I can attempt to fix it!

So here is the chapter - and I own nothing but my imagination and a vintage sweatshirt collection

Beck. A four letter name. A man that cared about me, that could maybe love me, that I was falling in love with. Why would I almost through this all away for another guy. The guy who had left me hanging for years, the guy who helped save me.

My phone vibrated in my back pocket.

It was Beck.

"Hey baby! Are you coming over?" he asked me, unknowing of where I had been.

"Yeah, I will drive over in a little while, am I sleeping over?" I asked in my very flirtatious voice. Sex is always the best way to distract Beck.

"Only if you want to," Beck said.

-Later at becks-

"So what movie should we watch tonight?" I said, my hair in a pony tale, still curly from earlier, wearing a baby pink sheer V-neck tee and black Nike shorts.

"Well I went bye Family Video earlier, and I happened to pick up one of your favorite movies." He said, with his boyish half grin that always makes me melt. "Breakfast at Tiffany's?"

"Well pop it in and get over here!" I replied, sitting on his un-made bed. Half-way through the movie, I built up the courage to bring up Graham. "Can you pause the movie for a minute?"

"Yeah, sure… Whats up?"

"I met up with this guy from my past the other day…" I started, looking up at him, afraid he would be mad.

"It wasn't Bobby was it?" I could tell he was getting pissed.

"No, it was Graham, the guy who helped me through some stuff a few years back, well he asked me out. Nothing happened, I told him about you, I just wanted to let you know."

It was silent.

"I'm okay with it. I mean if he is important to you, then who am I to tell you not to be around him." he said calmly.

I resumed my position with my head on Beck's chest, with his arms around me, and Holly Golightly falling in love. After the movie was over, I turned to Beck, realizing that I needed to tell him something.

"Trina, I love you. I know that you already have some stuff here, but do you want a drawer? I mean you practically live here, and well it just seems like we need something more permanent."

I just stared at him for a minute, and it felt like he had just asked me to marry him. "Y-yes," I said, a grin plastering my face.

"I know that you don't really like to talk about this, but how are you, I mean food wise. I just haven't seen you eat in a few days."

I looked down at my fat legs intertwined with his, my fat arms wrapped around his muscly arms, my fat around his perfection. "I can't talk about this," tightly shutting my eyes, over the last few days, the hunger pains had been worse than ever, and I was getting a little bit closer to perfection.

"Trina, you where getting better, what's going on?" He didn't know it, but I haven't been eating anything, Jade and I go for runs every day, and we are always competing.

"Nothing, okay?" I knew I was shutting him out, I just can't let him in, I let him see to much already.

"Please don't shut me out…."

"I'm struggling, okay? I still don't have a relationship with my parents or my sister, I'm a fat pig, and I don't fit in with anyone at school accept you and sometimes Jade. Nothing is okay." tears began to fall down my cheeks, and beck pulled me in closer.

"Baby we can get through this, I promise. How about we try to make this easier for you? I will talk to the group tomorrow, I bet that if I talk to them they will be more cool with all of this. Just rest your pretty little face, and we can go to Jamba Juice tomorrow. Get some yummy fruit inside of you. So lets go to sleep,"

"I love you too," I said before closing my eyes, finding the heavenly sleep that I so desired.

*****So I hope that you liked the chapter - and a lot has happened recently, so I am sorry if the story seems jumpy, I am truly trying my best!

Random fact:

I really suck at being a people person,

but I am the loudest person that some people know,

I make no sense at all…..

:P


	13. Innocence is Out the Window

***Thank y'all so much for reviewing my story! It really means so much to me! And I hope that you all like the story, and please let me know how you think the story is going!

Blueberry24: You will be finding out if Tori is pregnant or not in this chapter! And thanks for the comment about the random facts :P I hope you keep reading!

So here is the story, and I hope it is up to par!

"Trina, its your turn. Will you please read your monologue now?" Mr. Garcia asked, becoming more impatient by the second.

"Yes sir," I dropped me head, pulling myself into character.

_"I used to be somebody else, somebody different. I was shy, scared, afraid to speak. A girl I thought had disappeared. But I guess she didn't. LIke most kids I got teased, but most kids didn't let it get to them, I did, and I would do anything to make it stop. When they told me I was ugly, I wore a full face of makeup everyday. When they said that I was to short, I wore heels all of the time. When they said I was too quiet, I became the loud ditzy girl you all know. But then, they said something else. Something that changed me._

_They called me fat._

_Sure I had heard that eating disorders where dangerous, but I didn't care, I knew what I wanted. SO every hour of every day I would concentrate on what I wouldn't be eating next, how many calories I was burning, how many pounds left. It started like that, but then it got worse. I was lying all the time, 'Oh, I don't feel to good' or 'I already ate'. But eventually I got caught. _

_So now I'm here, talking to you so you can fix me, but what if I don't want to be fixed? What if I like being like this, being messed up."_

"End scene!" I said, walking back to my seat, Beck finding his arm around my bony shoulders. I wasn't getting any better, but by doing something like _this_, you know, opening up in something like a monologue, it made him feel like I was pulling through. Really I just ate a few small bites, threw it or hid food.

"That was really good!" beck whispered into my ear.

"Thanks babe! Do you know what tonight is?" I said with a coy smile.

"I'm pretty sure it will be our 4 month anniversary," he said. We tried to celebrate anything we could, because we both understood what it was like not to have anything to celebrate.

"I can't wait! So will you pick me up from my place at 7?"

"Definitely!" with that the bell rang, and we all went our separate ways. Pulling out my phone to text Beck, I found something.

Six missed calls from Tori. Not one, not three, but six.

"Hey Cat, has Tori been acting weird lately?" I asked, hoping to find that she was okay. I know that she is evil, but she is my sister after all.

"You should go talk to her!" she said with a giggle before skipping off to her next class.

I walked all around the whole school looking for her, walking into the 2nd floor's bathroom I found her.

Curled in a ball, sobs where racking her body. "Are you okay?" I said, barely audible.

"I'm - I'm pregnant… Everything I worked for in life, its over…" She sobbed.

"Oh, my, GOD!" I said, in more of a shouting whisper if that makes any sense. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know! I told André, and he said that he wouldn't leave me, and we would get through this. But I don't know if I want this, I don't want a baby, I don't know if I can be with André, I mean we have been together for a few months and we are having a kid!"

"Tori, just calm down and tell this too André."

"Will that work?" she said, looking back up at me.

"If he loves you, then you know it will." I said, looking her in the eye.

"Thanks, I will go do that. And this doesn't change anything."

With that she pulled herself together and walked out, leaving me to look in the mirror, and be faced yet again with the one thing that scared me more than anything. As always, I saw fat exploding from every angle, and I needed to cut. Ceremonially I rolled up my sleeve and pushed aside my collection of woven and leather bracelets, pulled a knife out of my bag, and I stared at it for a moment. The lines across my wrist where starting to fade, well some of the where, others where beginning to scar. And then there where the ones that I was about to create. I am almost like an artist, with a fresh canvas, my flesh, and a paint brush - my small pocket knife.

One cut for Tori and the mistakes that she makes.

Two cuts for how I disappoint Beck, how I continuously break my promises.

And three, for because I am still hurting him, without even trying.

***I hope that you like the story! Please let me know how it is going and review!

Random fact about C/G:

I love watching old movies,

but not just through once, I watch them through a few times

to capture every detail


End file.
